


The Road You Choose

by flashforeward



Category: Longmire (TV)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 08:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4779956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashforeward/pseuds/flashforeward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zachary has a choice to make. Slight season 4 spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road You Choose

Ferg's look, his expression, it cuts deep and Zachary has to look away has to just turn away and get away and he can't take this. Can't take that. He's worked too hard to earn Ferg's trust he doesn't need to see it shatter. 

**

Ferg gets him home and it's all he can do to keep his hands to himself. Wants to reach across the car and grab and touch and feel. Feel something, anything. But not like this. This isn't the way, so he stumbles his way up the walk and into the house and he finds another beer buried in the back of his fridge where he wasn't supposed to find it.

A reminder of what he doesn't do anymore.

He pops the top and throws it back, chugging half of it down as he stumbles back to sit on a chair.

**

The phone calls come in and he listens to the shrill ringing of the phone through the soft press of the pillow against his ear. Hears Ferg's voice echoing through his empty place and his heart clenches and his eyes go hot so he presses his face into the bed and pushes the pillow tighter around him, trying to block it out, trying not to hear.

**

He isn't sure why he turned the scanner on but when he hears it. Gun shots. At the Sheriff's place. He's out the door in an instant and on the road, hangover be damned.

**

Ferg's at the office when he bounds through the door, hands shaking, body shaking. He freezes and looks and stares and none of the words come out. The words he'd planned. And he just stares silently at Ferg, willing him to see what he can't say.

But it doesn't matter because Walt's there, too, on a warpath as he emerges from his office.

Walt's there, too, and a weight lifts off his shoulders.

But only one.

**

It's all hands. He's on probation, but at least he's included in the all hands.

It makes it harder to avoid Ferg's gaze, to avoid his study, to shy away from those looks he can feel on the back of his neck.

But he's doing something good again, and that's a step.

That night, he buys a single beer and tucks it in the back of the fridge, the date marked on it. A reminder.

This one, he swears, he will never touch.

**

It's only a few days later that the inevitable happens: he's alone with Ferg. For the first time since...

A hand on his shoulder, a look of concern, he has to clench his hands at his sides to keep from reaching out.

"I'm fine," he says. Can tell Ferg doesn't believe it.

But there are some things he's not ready to face yet.

**

He feels them all breathing down his neck - Monty, the shooter, Walt, Ferg. He's shaking more and more and he keeps checking and rechecking and rechecking everything.

Keeps seeing cars following him.

Keeps feeling eyes on his back, a sight locked between his shoulder blades.

He tells himself it's paranoia. He calls his sponsor. He does everything right.

But he still opens the fridge and stares at the beer.

**

"You have two choices," his sponsor says. "You keep going down the road you're trying to get off of, drink that beer and give up completely. Or you suck it up and you face whatever it is you're trying not to."

**

"Zachary?"

Ferg looks tired and worn out and he's pretty sure he does, too, but he doesn't care right now because he's made his decision and he's standing on Ferg's front stoop, hands in his pockets, scuffing his toes on the welcome mat as he tries to think of how to say this.

"Is something wrong?" Ferg asks.

"No, I," he looks up, meets those eyes, gets lost in them again. He loses his words. So he steps forward, closer, into Ferg's personal space, waits for him to pull back, to pull away, but he just looks confused, concerned.

And he freezes there, too far to pull back, too scared to go forward.

"Zachary, what is it?"

He licks his lips, swallows, his eyes flicker down to Ferg's lips and..."Ferg," his voice is scratchy and quiet. "Would it be all right if." He swallows again, flicks his eyes back up to Ferg's, holds his gaze there and forces himself to keep going. "Ferg, I'm going to kiss you, if you. If that's."

He doesn't finish, because Ferg's met him halfway, leaned forward and closed the distance and their lips meet in a sloppy, half-kiss that breaks entirely too soon. But Ferg stays close, his forehead pressed against Zachary's.

He's breathing heavy, they both are, and there's a smile tugging at the corner of Ferg's lips that makes Zachary's heart beat just a little faster.

"Would you like to come in?" Ferg asks.

Voice gone again, all Zachary can do is nod, but it's enough, and soon the door clicks shut behind them.


End file.
